Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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