This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i came on her dog
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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