I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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