People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
