god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
