I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
