My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
