shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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