idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
