God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
