my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
