Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
zippers are such a cool invention
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
