Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
