Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
