A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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