We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
