They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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