ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
