My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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