Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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