my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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