Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
