it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize