She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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