were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
