I'd wear matching sweaters with you
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
