I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
