You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
