i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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