it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
