I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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