The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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