How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
