This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
