the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
