So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
