so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
