census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
