You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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