dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
