At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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