another moral hangover. fuck.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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