Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My brain says no but my pants say off.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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