my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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