I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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