Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
