I just threw up on my dentist
I intend to get homeless drunk
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
