Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
