woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
