when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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