They should really pass out barf bags in church
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
