started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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