i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize