Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
