I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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