O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
