Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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