my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
