I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
