dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
