I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
thus making me awesome and them whores
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
