Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
