Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
last night I used snow as a chaser
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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