They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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