I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
