No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
