I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
