they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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