I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
that's an acceptable place to lick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
