No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
