walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
